October 25th: Your Magic
I am sitting here this morning with candle wax all over my pajama bottoms (it’s a long story) and in a threadbare Mickey Mouse t-shirt given to me by the great love of my life probably 18 years ago. I have spent the morning so far looking at houses on the East Coast, marveling at the embarrassment of options life has spread out before me. Not in my wildest dreams did I consider a life that looks the way mine does today…and this is only the beginning!
For context, for those of you who don’t know, 5 years ago I was coming to the end of my very last “run”, a relatively short- 5 months or so- drug relapse that was very thorough and very, very ugly. I am not going to talk about this much, because that part of my life is over and done with, but I will tell you that I put a substance in my body for the first time at age 13, and I did not stop trying to destroy myself that way until I was 39. That is a long, long time. There were times when I almost lost hope of ever changing.
Almost. But I didn’t, not completely. You know why? Because I have known something about myself from as far back as I can remember, and it saved my life. I have known that there is something in me that is magic. There is something inside of me that is beautiful, it is a gift, it can flow out of me and into other people and make them laugh or smile or just feel better. I knew, deep down in my heart of hearts, that I had something worth saving in me and that when I got there, when I became the person I was meant to be, my life would change dramatically.
Well, here I am. Five years, lots of therapy, lots of tears and deep digging and SO. MUCH. WORK…and I think that I am arriving. Five years! Do you know how little time that is, in the grand scheme of things? It’s nothing! I was so busy doing the work, I didn’t even notice the time.
I’m going to tell you something- I am not special. I am about as average as a person could be. The only difference I can think of is that I am lucky enough to know what I desire out of life, and I am driven enough to go after it. I have a snippet of a famous quote by Winston Churchill on my wall that is my personal motto- “Never, never, never give up”. I was given something with those words on it when I was 29 and I took it seriously. I do not give up.
What I am saying is, we ALL have this magic inside of us. It is inherent to us all, it is part of our very spirit. There is something inside of you, only you know what it is, that makes you light up, that makes you feel more alive than anything else. Something that holds your interest, a dream you’ve never let go of. You know the one, don’t you?
Today, I want you to stop telling yourself that fine is good enough. Stop ignoring that longing in your heart. Take five minutes and imagine what it would be like if you were working towards the life of your dreams…because when you are working towards something so valuable to you, the journey is truly its own reward. I’m not just saying that, it’s TRUE. There are innumerable paths you can choose to take in life, but there is one that will take you to the person you were meant to be. It might have a lot of twists and turns, but man…it is worth it. Choose wisely.