Return

January 31st: Return

It is my belief that, though you may choose a word for yourself each year, if you get quiet and pay attention, the theme will reveal itself.

For me, what I am seeing so far (and this could change and probably will change) is “return”. I am returning to myself, to the parts of myself that are true and that matter most, and I am learning that these parts can only be accessed by turning away from the noise and distractions that make up so much of life as we know it today.

I say “we” as if I can safely assume that you and I are living similar lives, and I’m sure that’s a pretty big assumption. It’s just that I have found after all these years on earth that I am not ever very different than the status quo- a thing that both comforts and bums me out. LOL.

So, perhaps you have already bypassed me in this way, or never jumped on the distraction train to begin with. But I find that I can be a very approval-seeking person, and how much that rules my life is directly proportional to the amount of time I spend on social media, news stories, and trying to fit in and measure up to whatever the standard of the day is.

And that’s just it- the bar is always moving, and depending on where you are focused, the rules change, the ideals change, the opinions change. But when we return to ourselves, and shut out all that hullabaloo, we can be certain that our core values and nature will reveal themselves to be pretty darn consistent.

Yes, of course, we change over time as do our dreams and needs. But when they align with your true self, it’s more like a slow morphing, or building blocks…an evolution rather than a whole new thing.

I am discovering that who I am today is not very different from the girl I was long, long ago. I still love books and words. I still love contemplating the reason I am here and trying to work out how to make the very most of my time. I still long to see everything, explore, roam.

For a moment there, I began to lose my excitement about moving to Maine. I think it was mostly fear…my life here is so good and solid and reliable. But given a little time, I have returned to that as well. I feel more than ever that I want this adventure, I want to see what life holds for me beyond this little safe space I’ve built here. There is more, there is more, there is always more. Go while you can. That is what my spirit whispers to me.

I don’t have any sage words to share today (or possibly ever. I suppose that’s a matter of opinion.) but I do hope that if the way you are living is depleting you rather than feeding you, you can recognize it and understand that you are still in control- you can choose to do something different. I did, and I am more at peace than I’ve been in years. Getting in touch with who you are, who you really are, is always a rewarding thing.

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