Tag Archives: awareness

Thoughts

November 16th: Thoughts

I do not know how anyone else’s mind works. I am only just now, at my age, beginning to understand the way mine works. I am pretty confident, though, that we all generally, at the very bottom of it all, want the same things: To love & be loved, to feel safe, to be healthy, free of worry, and to be peaceful and happy. That might look starkly different from person to person, but the desires are the same.

The biggest obstacle that stands between me and all of those things are not any of the things that make the most sense. I am not unlovable or incapable of giving love, I am not in any imminent danger, not sick, not plagued with problems. The things that give me trouble more than anything else are my own thoughts.

As I said, I don’t know how your mind works. But mine is pretty extra. I love my mind, don’t get me wrong- I am funny and imaginative and I have a knack for knowing how to coax a smile from a child or soften an angry heart. I love that about myself. I can also drive myself up the wall with fantastic scenarios that will never happen, assumptions that are dead wrong, and just plain rude remarks towards my own self, when I know I am doing the best I can. Who needs that?

Not me! Part of the reason I meditate (as I’ve mentioned a billion times before) is to slow the frantic pace of my thoughts, and to recognize when my thoughts are unkind and untrue. Most of the time it works great. When the stakes of the day are a bit higher, though, so is my anxiety, and therefore, my thoughts are a bit harder to deal with.

The thing is…I always end up doing what needs to be done. I always pull it off, whatever it might be. Looking back on my life, whatever the occasion was, I can’t think of one I didn’t rise to. Perhaps there have been some, but the point is, I can’t remember them if there were, so…it must not have been that important, right? All the stress and worry I put myself through was and is for nothing.

Today, whatever you have on your plate, remember, you can handle it. If your thoughts are being unkind and untrue, let them know that you see that and that you won’t be taking that shit on right now. Worry and stress do nothing but rob you of the joy of living, and you deserve to enjoy your life. So, make your best effort and know that is the most anyone can ever expect of you. And when your thoughts get a little sideways, remember YOU are in the driver’s seat, and you know what you are doing. If that doesn’t work, just turn up the music until you can’t hear yourself think. That works, too.

Beginnings

November 9th: Beginnings

I love beginnings- the start of a new book (whether I’m reading it or writing it), a new relationship, the first day in a new house, when you are standing in the living room, looking around at the clean floors and the empty walls, deciding where things will go.

That’s probably why I love these early mornings so much, too; if I get up super early, I get just that much more newness out of the day. Time to decide what I can accomplish in the hours ahead, time to set myself up for the best possible outcome by meditating and honoring my creative pursuits, setting intentions and practicing gratitude- you know, all that hokey shit I’m into. Listen, I am practical, realistic, and honest to the point of being blunt, so I know how annoying and weird all this woo-woo spiritual stuff can sound. I also know that it works for me. And if it helps me, there’s no reason why it wouldn’t help you, or anyone else, for that matter. No matter what your circumstances happen to be, gratitude, meditation (or mindfulness), goals (or intentions), and creativity (or doing something that fills you with joy), when pursued regularly, will benefit your life. Take the spiritual component out if it makes you feel more comfortable, and you still have a worthwhile endeavor. Unless you are profoundly depressed, in which case it is basically impossible to believe that happiness will ever exist or even that it ever has existed in your life (I was gifted this knowledge by post-partum depression, circa 2010), or dealing with another mental illness that distorts reality, the practices I’ve listed are more than just mumbo-jumbo.

Mindfulness and meditation have helped me become aware of my thoughts and slow down enough to start to change them. Setting intentions and goals gives me direction and purpose. Being creative or doing something that makes me happy…well, it makes me happy. Joy is super important. And expressing gratitude underlines how much is going right, even when my feelings don’t match my situation. You can feel terrible, and still have so much to be grateful for.

So, back to beginnings- I love mornings, and Monday’s, my birthday, New Year’s, new moons, new months…all of those things. I’m a sucker for a fresh start. The start of something new is ripe with possibility, like the first blank page in a notebook.

But here’s the thing- you don’t have to wait for Monday to roll around to start over again. You can– hell, “Next Monday” is the second most popular day to start a diet, right behind “tomorrow”. The problem with next Monday’s and tomorrow’s is that they have a habit of staying just a little bit ahead of us, in the future. That’s why, even if it’s 2:45 on a Wednesday afternoon from hell, you can choose right then and there, to start over. You can take a deep, dramatic breath, super loud if you want- you can even slump down in your chair and scrunch your eyes shut or shake your hands like you are trying to dry them off, if it helps. Or, you can simply, silently decide “Okay, enough of this.”, and you can reboot. Make a small shift in your behavior or your attitude, and change direction.

And I say your behavior and your attitude because, of course, those are the only things you can control. You can’t keep your coworkers from bringing in piles of baked goods every day, but you don’t have to eat them. You can’t keep slow drivers out of the fast lane, but you don’t have to get enraged over it. You can’t stop life from happening exactly the way it does, but you can choose how you respond to it. Even if you have been grouchy and angry and miserable all day long and it’s eight p.m., you can stop right now and start over.

Today, I want to thank you for hearing me out. I know this was a little longer than usual, but I needed to share this with you. If you realize you are in the habit of being unhappy, you owe it to yourself to change that. If your thoughts are mostly negative, if your life is just this side of miserable, if nothing is working out the way you wanted…give yourself permission to start over. I’m not talking about running away, I’m talking about changing your perspective. Trying something different. We are creatures of habit, and sometimes we don’t even realize the impact our own thoughts and words and attitude have on our lives. I encourage you to pay attention. Think about it. And, whenever you need to, however it looks for you- don’t be afraid to start over. The beginning is wherever you want it to be.

Fleeting

November 1st: Fleeting

Last night, I was poised to do what I always do on Halloween- stay home to wait for the one or two kids that come tripping up my stairs in their sparkly costumes, shyly whispering “Trick-or-Treat!” as they hold out their bags. And really, as much as I do enjoy this, it’s more an excuse to not have to walk the streets for hours at night- after all, I get up around 3 every morning, so by the time I get off work at 5, I’m tired.

Last night, that was my intention. Let dad take Camryn like he usually does, and I can sit here on my couch and wait, munching on the candy that is meant for the trick-or-treaters, and finally getting some time to read my book.

But…something occurred to me while I was helping Cam get ready last night. Actually, that isn’t right- what happened was, it occurred to that I wasn’t helping Cam get ready last night. She didn’t need my help. I offered, and she didn’t even want my help. She had it. She drew on her own kitty nose, and her own whiskers, put on her own mascara, and her own lipstick. The only thing she needed help with was her tail, and anyone might need help with that.

I thought to myself ‘how many more times?’. How many more Halloweens will she be so excited about the day from the minute she wakes up? How many more years will she wait, in agony, for it to be the right time to start knocking on doors? How long before deciding what to be this year is a months-long dilemma? How long before she doesn’t even want one of her embarrassing parents to tag along with her, let alone both of us?

And so, just like that, I changed the plan. I lit all seven of the pumpkins we’d carved and left a basket full of candy on the top step, and I tagged along. I’m so glad I did. I spoke with neighbors I’ve never met, and visited with ones I know, people who have seen Camryn grow these past five years. I saw darling little old ladies in Witch hats, and the guy who wears the ape mask every year when he hands out candy. But most importantly of all, I was there to watch my little girl…well, be a little girl.

Here’s the thing- as humans, we have this weird ability to trick ourselves into thinking that the way things are is the way they will always be. I think it is probably a coping mechanism that has to do with ignoring our own mortality or something. Or, I don’t know, maybe it’s just because we don’t see very well the things that are most often in front of us. But it is an illusion. Time waits for no one, as the saying goes. We age, our children grow up and change, time marches on. It happens gradually, sure, but one day- one Halloween, one birthday, one first day of school…everything is different. Your role will change, and you find yourself looking back longingly at the very same things you once grumbled about- or at the very least, silently wished you could pawn off on someone else.

Today, as we start rolling full force into the holiday season, I hope that you can find a way to engage wholeheartedly, so that there is meaning in it for you. If you have children, be mindful that the atmosphere you create becomes the memories they carry for life. It doesn’t have to be perfect, just warm, loving. If you don’t have children, or if they are grown, or if you are the child and your family is not a safe place to land…remember, you still deserve to slow down, to show up for yourself, and to create beautiful memories. With a little imagination and creativity, there are so many ways to celebrate, to give and receive the abundance of love we all have. Wherever you might be, whoever you are, remember- life is precious and fleeting. Make the most of it.