being present | Notes From Elsewhere

January 12^th: Inevitable Change

Sigh…sometimes I take a very simple sentiment and muddy it up with too many words. I am going to attempt, for the 3^rd time, to write these words in my heart this morning.

Human beings have a strange habit of expecting things to always remain as they are despite constant proof that nothing, and I mean nothing, does.

We look up one day to find our children inexplicably grown older. The sweet dimples on the backs of their hands disappeared, their heads smell sweaty instead of sweet, they won’t kiss us on the lips anymore.

We see our parents after time apart and suddenly we realize they are growing old. We look into the mirror and suddenly we realize that we are growing old.

People we love, people we cannot comprehend living without, die. Our lives are a series of events like this, before and after, and yet…we persist in our efforts to pretend like we have forever and ever to get it right, or to do better, or to be…whatever we think we need to be to feel satisfied by our efforts.

I am just feeling this so acutely right now, for a myriad of reasons, and I want to remind you- remind myself- that sometimes our priorities need to be revised. There are things that must be done, I get that, but make sure that you are tending closely to the things that actually mean something to you in the big picture. Be present. Make an effort to show up fully for the people you value. Not soon, but today. Enjoy the irritating little intrusions by your kids, because it means they want your attention, and that’s a gift. A gift with an expiration date, man. These moments are valuable.

At the end of it all, what you have left is love. Everything else falls away, and what is left is love. The love you gave, the love you were given, the love you wish you would have given more of, the regret of not loving enough. I promise you this is the truth. Every single thing in your life will change, except for this. So, do with that what you will…but try not to forget it.

December 11^th: Happiness

I was talking to my daughter’s boyfriend yesterday. I’d asked him what he wanted for Christmas and he said he just wanted to be happy. I told him I’d give it to him if I could, but that’s not how it worked. I still don’t know what he wants for Christmas. He made me think, though.

All my life, I’ve just wanted to be happy, too. It took me until recently to realize that happiness is not a destination. It’s not a place you finally arrive at, and then everything is magically great forever.

Happiness is found in a million little moments every day, constantly flowing by. You can notice them or not- it does require you to be present and observant, that’s for sure. I can’t remember ever being happy while I was in go-go-go mode, trying to check things off my to-do list.

As a matter of fact, happiness asks us to let go of our expectations and just be okay with where and who we happen to be at this moment, don’t you think? Happiness happens when we stop worrying about how we look, what other people think, how broke we are, how busy we are, how tired we are, what freaking losers we are…just, all of that nonsense.

I was happy as a clam this morning as I strolled the beach with my dog. No makeup on, grubby sweats, not trying to impress a soul. My thoughts tried to intrude there for a minute when I caught my eye in the rearview mirror on the drive home, tried to start in with some BS about the way I looked. “Nope.” I thought, “I love me exactly the way I am.”

I was feeling overwhelmed and lost as I wandered the aisles of Target looking for things I needed and Christmas gifts, but I was happy when I visited with the clerk who rang me up. I am happy right now, writing this. I was unhappy when I checked my credit card balance this morning and realized I’d forgotten to cancel two very expensive annual memberships and that they’d both charged to my account this week. And I will have moments of both throughout the day, I’m sure.

That is the way life is. Weird moments, awkward moments, stress and exhaustion, elation and numbness. And dotted all through our days, chances and glimpses and opportunities to be happy…or not. You can notice it, or not. You can see the beauty, or miss it. You can be here, or lost in thought. You can grab onto that happy moment and enjoy it…or you can let it slip past you. Today, I really hope you see them. I hope you hold them in your hands while you can. Because happiness is not a place. So stop waiting to get there. You’re already here.