children | Notes From Elsewhere

November 12^th: Family

I had planned to write something totally different today, but time got away from me, and by the time I sat down here (just now) I realized that I am way too full and sleepy to do justice to the topic I had been feeling like writing.

So now you’re getting this.

Riding on the tail of yesterday’s post, I really did take my own advice and make more of an effort to connect with my kids today. The minute I was off work, I had Cam come help me, and together we made two stunning little meat loaves, real mashed potatoes, and green beans. She’s been helping me out a lot in the kitchen…tonight, when she didn’t seem to want to, I came clean. I told her that I didn’t technically need her help, but that I just wanted to spend time with her. “If you don’t want to help, though, you don’t have to.”

She took off for a minute, but she soon wandered back, and helped with every step. While the meat loaf was baking and the potatoes were boiling, I sat down for a break. She asked if I wanted to play Yahtzee, which I did not, but…I thought about what I wrote yesterday, and I agreed to it. It was fun.

We ate a nice meal together (I was SHOCKED to see her grub down two helpings of meatloaf filled with peppers and onions!), chatted a lot, and after dinner, we called Aisley, my first favorite child, and filled her in on our night. It was the second time today that I called her, which is not unusual at all.

I love my kids. I love the little family I created. It’s amazing how someone who had no idea what the hell she was doing managed to bring such wonderful humans into the world. It’s kind of a miracle, honestly.

The family I started out with is scattered and missing some of its most important members. My grandparents, who I worshipped, have been gone for such a long time. My uncle died just over a year ago. My mom is far away. My dad and I are not as close as we could be. If it weren’t for my girls, I think my life would be very lonely. But I have them, and I’m so glad.

Family is very important, I think. I know not everyone has a wonderful family- there were times when I wasn’t able to provide much of one for my kids, for sure. But I had great friends who played all kinds of roles, and I learned that family doesn’t have to be blood, or look a certain way, for it to be just as valuable and anchoring. Family are the people who hold you up when you are struggling, the ones who check in, the ones who will tell you the truth even when it is hard. Your family, whether they share your DNA or not, are the ones who know who you are and love you anyway.

So, if you are reading this, I hope that you will take a minute to appreciate the family you have, whoever they are. Even if they get on your last nerve and you’ve heard all their stories five thousand times, be grateful for the ones who love you dearly. That kind of love is priceless. If you don’t believe me, think about what the world would feel like without them in it…sad, isn’t it? It might not be ideal, your family- we all have our shit, you know. But, for me at least, my family is the very best part of my life.

November 1^st: Fleeting

Last night, I was poised to do what I always do on Halloween- stay home to wait for the one or two kids that come tripping up my stairs in their sparkly costumes, shyly whispering “Trick-or-Treat!” as they hold out their bags. And really, as much as I do enjoy this, it’s more an excuse to not have to walk the streets for hours at night- after all, I get up around 3 every morning, so by the time I get off work at 5, I’m tired.

Last night, that was my intention. Let dad take Camryn like he usually does, and I can sit here on my couch and wait, munching on the candy that is meant for the trick-or-treaters, and finally getting some time to read my book.

But…something occurred to me while I was helping Cam get ready last night. Actually, that isn’t right- what happened was, it occurred to that I wasn’t helping Cam get ready last night. She didn’t need my help. I offered, and she didn’t even want my help. She had it. She drew on her own kitty nose, and her own whiskers, put on her own mascara, and her own lipstick. The only thing she needed help with was her tail, and anyone might need help with that.

I thought to myself ‘how many more times?’. How many more Halloweens will she be so excited about the day from the minute she wakes up? How many more years will she wait, in agony, for it to be the right time to start knocking on doors? How long before deciding what to be this year is a months-long dilemma? How long before she doesn’t even want one of her embarrassing parents to tag along with her, let alone both of us?

And so, just like that, I changed the plan. I lit all seven of the pumpkins we’d carved and left a basket full of candy on the top step, and I tagged along. I’m so glad I did. I spoke with neighbors I’ve never met, and visited with ones I know, people who have seen Camryn grow these past five years. I saw darling little old ladies in Witch hats, and the guy who wears the ape mask every year when he hands out candy. But most importantly of all, I was there to watch my little girl…well, be a little girl.

Here’s the thing- as humans, we have this weird ability to trick ourselves into thinking that the way things are is the way they will always be. I think it is probably a coping mechanism that has to do with ignoring our own mortality or something. Or, I don’t know, maybe it’s just because we don’t see very well the things that are most often in front of us. But it is an illusion. Time waits for no one, as the saying goes. We age, our children grow up and change, time marches on. It happens gradually, sure, but one day- one Halloween, one birthday, one first day of school…everything is different. Your role will change, and you find yourself looking back longingly at the very same things you once grumbled about- or at the very least, silently wished you could pawn off on someone else.

Today, as we start rolling full force into the holiday season, I hope that you can find a way to engage wholeheartedly, so that there is meaning in it for you. If you have children, be mindful that the atmosphere you create becomes the memories they carry for life. It doesn’t have to be perfect, just warm, loving. If you don’t have children, or if they are grown, or if you are the child and your family is not a safe place to land…remember, you still deserve to slow down, to show up for yourself, and to create beautiful memories. With a little imagination and creativity, there are so many ways to celebrate, to give and receive the abundance of love we all have. Wherever you might be, whoever you are, remember- life is precious and fleeting. Make the most of it.