Tag Archives: give yourself a break

Limitations

January 10th: Limitations

Right off the bat, I want to apologize for the title of this post. I had a bunch of other extraneously worded ideas, but this one basically sums it up, so I’m going with it.

First off, there are a lot of memes and blurbs and ideas floating around about “blasting through your limitations” and “the only limits that exist are in your mind” and blah blah blah. Well, okay, sure. There are days when I certainly feel this way, and I get it, then.

But what about the other days? The days when you can’t stop procrastinating? The days when you go to bed at night disappointed with yourself for the three things you still didn’t do, even though you’ve been trying to make yourself do them for weeks? What about the mornings like the one I am having, where I really wanted to work on my novel, but I just couldn’t make myself do it?

The thing is, life, for me, is an unpredictable sea. Sometimes, for weeks at a stretch, I can navigate the waters beautifully and I think “Hey, this is my life now! This is how it will be from here on out. Yay!” And the next thing you know, I turn around and I have no idea where I am. I might be stuck on a metaphorical sandbar for weeks, or thrashing about in a monsoon, or simply adrift in calm waters with no wind to move me towards where I want to go.

If you were to tell me, during one of those less than ideal times, that I was limiting myself, I would probably want to smack you, except for the fact that I believed it was true.

But is it though? Am I really expecting myself to be operating at 100% at all times? I mean, is that realistic? I don’t think it is.

I think that it’s important to understand that circumstances change daily- sometimes more often than that- and that we are all a bit at the mercy of many varied elements. How tired we are. How stressed we might be. If you’re a woman, hormones are a HUGE factor. What our mental state is like. Relationships, work, money, health, nutrition, responsibilities…I could go on and on, but you get what I am saying. Recognizing why we might not be out there killing it is super vital if we hope to stop beating ourselves up for perceived failings.

Once you understand that, it’s a lot easier to give yourself props for the things you are getting done. For instance, this morning I might not have worked on my novel, but I did sit down and pay all of my bills. I did set up an automatic transfer to my savings account. I did meditate, shower, and get my kid in the tub. I should probably go check on her. Hahaha.

Anyway, my point is, limitations DO exist. Try to recognize where you are at today, and work with what you have. You might not be where you want to be, but there is plenty you can accomplish from wherever you are. Just know when it’s time to lower the bar a smidge, and don’t feel bad about it. It’ll get raised again when you feel better and things settle down.

Best Laid Plans

December 18th: Best Laid Plans

I had really hoped to be able to write something, even something small, every day here.

Unfortunately, life being what it is, sometimes circumstances change and things get weird. I am in the midst of such a time right now.

I think…honestly, I think I’m a little bit traumatized from seeing my friend lose her mom the other day. I feel awful even saying that, because obviously it was the worst thing that ever happened to her, and how lucky am I that I got to go home that night and…I guess what I mean is that she can’t escape the pain, and I get to go back to my normal life.

But the truth is, nothing is ever that simple. When you are witness to something like that, it is not just so easy to shrug it off. I’m kind of…I take things pretty hard, I guess. Basically, I haven’t been myself this past few days.

Combine that with Christmas preparations and the fact that, for the first time I’ve started my ADHD meds, I’ve run out completely and so have the pharmacies…I’m just not up to snuff. It’s not so bad. Most of my Christmas stuff is done, and the without the medication, I’m just a bit more scattered and a lot less productive. And perhaps I have a terrible headache, but I can’t say that it’s related.

My point is, sometimes you just have to surrender. You just shrug and say, welp, guess this is how it is right now. That’s kind of where I am right now.

I hope that, when life piles up on you like it does sometimes, that you have the ability to surrender. To realize that sometimes you just have to go with the flow, because fighting it will only make things worse. Sometimes our best laid plans just don’t work out, and that’s okay- for you and for me, too. I’ll be back soon.

Wrestling

December 4th: Wrestling

You know, I often catch myself doing the most useless thing- I wrestle with myself over my very nature. This evening, for instance. I had hoped, once I was off work, to go to this thing the next town over. It became very apparent to me, however, as the day wore on, that this would be unlikely. It’s ten after five here, and it’s already dark out. I’ve been feeling worn out and exhausted since one or two.

Yet…still, I want to wrestle with myself about going. Even though I know I’m too tired tonight to bother making dinner, let alone go traipsing through the dark and cold to do this thing. If I did go, all I’d be thinking about would be getting home, to a hot bath and a warm bed.

So…why in the world would I contemplate going? Sigh. I do not know. And there’s another thing to wrestle with myself about- why am I like this? Again, don’t know.

Yesterday, it occurred to me that there will never be a time in my life where I am any less ME than I am today. There will always be the good with the bad, the light with the dark. There will be days when I am too tired to participate, and times when I excel at everything I touch. This is just who I am. Courtney, for better or for worse, always, always, me.

So, it seems prudent to me that I get back to what I am always telling everyone else to do- accept the truth, and just love my little self exactly as I am each day. I certainly deserve my own affection. As you deserve yours.

Today- stop wrestling with yourself. Just give yourself a break. Love yourself exactly as you are, give yourself a little grace, a little tenderness, a little kindness. Who cares why you are the way you are? You just are. And we’re both gonna be just fine.

Rest

November 17th: Rest

I pushed myself really, really hard yesterday. In addition to running all over town to pick up everything for Cam’s party, I had to wrap presents, make gift bags, bake macaroni and cheese, load the car and help Camryn get dressed and ready. And that was all before the party even started!

Being a mom is always my favorite thing- always. But being a mom on a birthday party day is stressful! Worrying about who will show up, trying to make it a good time, being in charge of a bunch of kids. Plus, I skated my buns off. So, by the time it was over, I was wiped out. I don’t spend a lot of time doing very busy, social things. It…drains me. A lot.

So, I went to bed very, very early last night. Of course, I woke up very, very early, too. I made my coffee and had an excellent cup, and then I thought “you know what? I’m not done sleeping yet.” So, I filled up my travel mug for later, and I did something I almost never do- I went back to bed.

And that is pretty much how my day has gone. Up, coffee, eat some leftover cake, go back to bed. Up, let Camryn in from her dad’s house, eat some leftover sandwiches, go back to bed. I finished a book and started another one. I checked on Cam, who slept for about three hours herself this afternoon.

I finally took a bath around dark, left to go to the store one time, and meditated just before sitting down to write this. I did not accomplish much today, not in the traditional sense, I guess. But I did rest. And that is not the easiest thing to allow yourself to do when there are a million other, seemingly more important things to be done. I needed it. I can’t begrudge myself this little thing that my body and spirit asked me to do for myself.

Today, or whatever is left of it…I hope that if you are tired, worn out, drained, that you can allow yourself to rest. Go to bed early or watch something trashy on TV. Take a hot bath, read a good book. The dishes can wait, trust me. They’ll still be there in the morning. Give yourself a little break. Goodnight.