hope | Notes From Elsewhere

January 1^st: What is Left Behind

Can you feel it? Man, I woke up this morning, and that New Year Energy is like a living thing- a big jumble of hope and excitement and determination, a breath of fresh air, a big zap of radiant motivation. It’s not just the start of a new year, but the start of a whole new decade…which is also the end of the last year and the last decade. What a wonderful place we are standing in right now.

The first thing I did when I woke today was suspend my Facebook account. I’ve done this on January first for the past three years now, and it is always such a relief. I am not going to pretend it is permanent, but it is a much-needed break. This year, I hope to know less about things that don’t matter to me. It’s much more peaceful that way.

After that, I lit my candles and settled onto my cushion and sent up my first prayer of the year, heartfelt and full of gratitude for all that I have, and gratitude for all that is on its way to me. I stated my intentions for the months ahead and gave lots of thanks. I meditated for a good long while. When I was done, I wrote down the things that I would not be carrying with me into this new year, each one on its own scrap of paper. Here are the things I am leaving behind:

Worry about what other people think of me
Judgement of others
Resentment
Hurt over things that happened in the past
Trying to control that which can’t be controlled
Fearing the worst

I took the scraps of paper outside, and as the sun rose on the first day of the year, I lit each one of those things on fire and dropped them, one by one, into the fire pit. I let them go. I know I will need to let them go again and again until I learn how to release them forever, but this is where we start. By naming them and releasing them.

Have you thought about what you are not bringing with you into 2020? If not, there is always time to start now, no matter when you happen to read this. The point is not to do it perfectly or call it a failure the first time you catch yourself slipping back into old habits and routines. The point is to start the journey of change, which begins with taking notice of this heavy thing you carry, setting it down…and understanding you will pick it up and put it down many times before you let it go forever. We are all works in progress. We can always find a better way, do a different thing, improve one aspect or another. Today is a wonderful day to start, but you know what? So is tomorrow…or any time you are ready. Whatever you decide, I am sending you love and good wishes for a wonderful year.

December 24^th: Merry & Bright

I am not a religious person by any means, but I must confess, I do love the story of Christmas. The idea of Jesus being born, sent here to right things by a God who loves us all so much. What a beautiful thing to believe. Although I will probably never be one who buys the story myself, I am not opposed to rejoicing for those who do. I do believe God loves us this much, I’ll give you that.

I love the older traditions as well- Winter Solstice celebrations and Yule; a candle lit on the longest night of the year, rejoicing in the return of the sun, recognizing the wheel of the year as it turns. The fabled Wild Hunt, feasting and celebrating with ale and meat and all sorts of merriment.

I love the idea of Santa Claus, too! A twinkly eyed giant in his plush red garb lined with fur, flying through the night sky on a golden sleigh weighed down with toys, laughing with joy as he urges his magical reindeer on through the night! What’s not to love about that?

I love Christmas trees sparkling with light, glimpsed through windows as you drive home in the evening. I love tinsel and snowmen, angels and elves. I love presents wrapped beneath the tree and Christmas carols in the background as cookies bake in the oven. I love snuggling up on the couch to watch movies I’ve seen a hundred times, and seeing my daughter check the calendar each day to make sure the big day is getting closer.

I love all of these things. And this year, for the first time in a long time, I have found myself in a spot where I am able to recognize that I love these things and enjoy all of it. I know how lucky I am, trust me. I have had my fair share of years that were stressful and overwhelming, years when I was dead broke, or heartbroken, sick, messed up, selfish, or any other thing you can think of. I know how hard it can be. Which is why I am so excited that this is not a year like that.

Camryn is nine this year. She still wholeheartedly believes in all the magic of Christmas; she feels it in her bones. I don’t know…this could be the last year for that. So, I am going to enjoy every moment of it, and be grateful that I am present and aware of what a gift that is. As a matter of fact, that might very well be the best thing I get this year, and if it were the only thing, it would be more than enough.

I don’t care too much for presents anymore. I have so much, and if I need something, I can generally take care of it myself. What I want cannot be wrapped up in paper and sat beneath the tree. I want my kids here with me, just hanging out. I want to see the excitement in Cam’s eyes as she wakes to find the cookies gone and sees the stockings full and presents that weren’t there the night before. I want to share her joy and be filled with the contentment that only being with the ones I love most can give to me.

My wish for you this Christmas is that you find your way to the magic of this time of year. Whatever beliefs you hold dear, may they be enough to fill your heart. I hope that you can share your joy with someone who needs it, and if you have none, may someone share theirs with you. And if this year is particularly hard for you, I want you to hang on and remember- there will be years that will be much, much better for you down the road. I can almost guarantee it.