December 3^rd: Pay Attention

I posted a link to a video on Facebook yesterday, and pretty much everyone ignored it- look, I’m not blaming them. Few people can tolerate my weird obsession with animated films (especially Frozen and Moana, but also How to Train Your Dragon- the whole series) and probably they are all a little weirded out by the way I identify so much with the songs…oh yeah, the link I posted was to the song “Show Yourself” from Frozen 2. I didn’t even pay much attention to the song during the movie- I was too busy being totally blown away by the movie! But, yesterday, when I got in the car, instead of my podcast turning on, that song played itself from my Apple music list.

Anyway, as I listened to it, I just…started crying. I know, embarrassing, right? Camryn, who was in the backseat thought so. Whatever. After I dropped her off at school, I listened to it three more times on the way home. When I got home, I listened to it several more times, then watched the video on YouTube. I wasn’t sure why I kept listening, over and over, choking up every time. Then I realized something- the song was Elsa, singing to herself- the person she was looking for was her TRUE self. You know, I also used to get like that when I heard the song from Moana “How Far I’ll Go”. Another song about venturing out, beyond the places and things that are expected of you. Another song about self-discovery and pushing limits.

Do you see a theme here? I mean, other than the theme of me being a hopeless, sappy nerd?

If you can’t see it, I’ll just tell you- when I hear these songs, these beautiful stories set to music, they speak to my soul. To my heart. And my particular heart and soul have always longed desperately to roam and explore and see the world and see…everything that I can. My particular heart and soul have been longing to just be me, whoever that is, for my whole life. I have been all of these other things- this lost, screwed up woman trying to overcome addiction and trauma. This stable, dependable person I am today, checking all the boxes and coloring within the lines- (as much as I am able to). I have proven to myself that I am strong, and that I am capable. And now it is time for me to start becoming who I am and start pushing beyond what is expected of me.

If you pay attention, your heart and soul are always trying to speak to you. Maybe it’s a dumb (beautiful) Disney song, or some other song. Maybe it’s a commercial on TV that makes you choke up, or a line from a book that you can’t get out of your head and you aren’t sure why. Take the time to examine those things- in my experience, this is how our spirits speak to us. Little hints and hunches, tears in our eyes, shivers up our spines. It’s worth examining. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have adventures to plan. 😊