Tag Archives: intention

A Day Well Spent

January 14th: A Day Well Spent

I started reading “The Artist’s Way” by Julia Cameron recently- for those that don’t know, it’s supposed to be this really great guide to unblocking your creativity and helping you get down to business artistically. I’ve been wanting to check it out for a while, so now I am. Anyway, I am just starting out with it, but one of the things you have to do is write three full pages every morning, by hand. Just…anything that comes up. I promised myself that I would not half-ass things that I really wanted to do, so…even though it seemed like a lot, I did it. Lacking in ideas, I wrote all of the things I wanted to get done that day (along with a bunch of other stuff, as it was THREE FULL PAGES)

Well, to my utter shock, I had the most productive day I’ve had in WEEKS yesterday. I mean, I accomplished almost every single thing I wrote down. It was crazy. I’m not quite ready to credit the writing as the reason yet, but just in case, I went ahead and did it again today. This time I added writing to the list since that was the one thing I left off yesterday, oddly enough.

Anyway, I realized something about myself yesterday that might be rather important. I have mastered a quiet, subtle form of self-sabotage that works very effectively. I think when I should be doing. I do it all the time- sit here, immobilized by thoughts about all of the things I should be doing, when I could just get up and start doing them. I caught myself doing it right when I got off work yesterday, thinking about whether or not I should get up and take the dog to the beach like I wanted to when it hit me- I had already decided to do that hours and hours ago. What I was really doing was trying to think my way out of it. If I sat there thinking for much longer, it was going to get dark, and then I’d have to stay home which is what a part of me really wanted. When that realization crossed my mind, I jumped up, grabbed the dog, and headed out the door.

And you know what? It was a wonderful evening for a walk on the beach. The tide was way out, and we made it just in time to catch the sunset. When I got home, I fixed dinner, changed my sheets (another thing I’ve been thinking about instead of doing for over a week now!) and got ready to settle down. I kept thinking about what a wonderful day I had. It felt so good to have accomplished so many of the things I set out to do. I read to Camryn for a while, then burrowed down into my flannel sheets and slept soundly.

There is something to be said for a day well spent, don’t you think? And I know that there will be days when things just don’t work out, but I would rather not be the number one roadblock in my own life, you know? Having good intentions is great but committing yourself seems to work a lot better. Writing things down seems to up the chances of success quite a bit. I’m ready to see where this goes.

Want to experiment with me? Today, try it out. Write down the things you want to accomplish and commit yourself to doing them. When you catch yourself trying to think your way out of it, remember that you already made up your mind and stop thinking, start doing. I want to see if it works for you, too! Whatever you decide, I hope you have a wonderful day. I’ll be back on Thursday.

What is Left Behind

January 1st: What is Left Behind

Can you feel it? Man, I woke up this morning, and that New Year Energy is like a living thing- a big jumble of hope and excitement and determination, a breath of fresh air, a big zap of radiant motivation. It’s not just the start of a new year, but the start of a whole new decade…which is also the end of the last year and the last decade. What a wonderful place we are standing in right now.

The first thing I did when I woke today was suspend my Facebook account. I’ve done this on January first for the past three years now, and it is always such a relief. I am not going to pretend it is permanent, but it is a much-needed break. This year, I hope to know less about things that don’t matter to me. It’s much more peaceful that way.

After that, I lit my candles and settled onto my cushion and sent up my first prayer of the year, heartfelt and full of gratitude for all that I have, and gratitude for all that is on its way to me. I stated my intentions for the months ahead and gave lots of thanks. I meditated for a good long while. When I was done, I wrote down the things that I would not be carrying with me into this new year, each one on its own scrap of paper. Here are the things I am leaving behind:

  • Worry about what other people think of me
  • Judgement of others
  • Resentment
  • Hurt over things that happened in the past
  • Trying to control that which can’t be controlled
  • Fearing the worst

I took the scraps of paper outside, and as the sun rose on the first day of the year, I lit each one of those things on fire and dropped them, one by one, into the fire pit. I let them go. I know I will need to let them go again and again until I learn how to release them forever, but this is where we start. By naming them and releasing them.

Have you thought about what you are not bringing with you into 2020? If not, there is always time to start now, no matter when you happen to read this. The point is not to do it perfectly or call it a failure the first time you catch yourself slipping back into old habits and routines. The point is to start the journey of change, which begins with taking notice of this heavy thing you carry, setting it down…and understanding you will pick it up and put it down many times before you let it go forever. We are all works in progress. We can always find a better way, do a different thing, improve one aspect or another. Today is a wonderful day to start, but you know what? So is tomorrow…or any time you are ready. Whatever you decide, I am sending you love and good wishes for a wonderful year.

Intention

November 4th: Intention

It’s not a big secret that I am an exceptionally moody person. It took me most of my life to understand that not everyone is ruled by their emotions. Some people- get this- can have feelings about something and still make sound judgement based on reasons that have nothing to do with that feeling. I know, it sounds crazy to me, too, but…it’s a real thing.

As I’ve grown older, even I have had moments where I realized that, while my emotions were certainly real, the decisions I felt compelled to make because of them were not what you might call…sound. I have what my therapist calls “Big Feelings”. I tend to be reactive, and highly susceptible to the moods and emotions of other people, too. I take shit personally. I have to be careful how much news I listen to, what kind of things I watch on TV, and even who I can be around for more than short periods of time. Certain people just drain me. Sometimes I drain myself. Me, I have a harder time getting away from.

As I’ve dedicated myself more and more to meditation, mindfulness, and changing the unhealthy patterns in my life, I’ve found that setting an intention for the day is incredibly helpful. To be honest, I didn’t even realize that’s what I was doing when I started doing it, but now I see it. Intention is sort of an anchor that pulls me back to myself when my emotions start pulling me away. For me, what that means is, early in the morning, before anyone else is awake, and for sure before I step foot outside my house, I sit down on my cushion, and I pray. If you don’t pray, that’s not an insurmountable obstacle really- I think just sitting down, closing your eyes, and getting still would be sufficient. I always start with gratitude- another day alive and well, a fresh start, a working body…there are so many things to be grateful for.

Then I ask for healing, balance, and whatever I feel like I might need at that particular moment. Lots of times, it’s kindness, the ability to be the loving mother my children need. By naming these things, I am setting them right in the front of my mind. At first, it seemed like all that did was make me notice how far away I was from achieving those goals. Now, I have developed a knack for spotting opportunities to be exactly the person I want most to be.

There is a space now, between an action and my reaction. There is a moment when I get to decide who I will show up as next. Sometimes, I choose the wrong way. But more and more, I am left feeling proud of the choices that I make.

Today, before you walk out your front door, think about the person you want to show up in the world as today. Do you want to be calm, more friendly, more focused, less stressed? When you lay down in bed at night and think about the day behind you, what would you like that day to look like? This is the time to make that kind of day a reality. Don’t be discouraged if at first all you see is how badly you’re screwing it up- that’s kind of part of the process. Keep setting your intentions, keep pushing forward, and little by little, you’ll see yourself evolving ever closer to the person you are meant to be.

Adventure

October 30th Adventure

I don’t know about you, but I don’t feel alive unless I can feel that little spark of joy lit up in my heart. The joy of excitement, adventure, new endeavors, the knowledge of something to look forward to.

When I was young, it was easy to gain access to this spark- there was always a new crush, or a fun outing, or, because I was young, just the newness of life in general that filled me with that rush of fascination and interest.

Then I grew up, and, even though I got a lot more mileage out of my “crazy years” than most, I finally did settle down. I have shown up at the same job for the past eleven years. I have an established routine, times by which kids must be dressed and out the door, times by which I must be at work, clock out, make dinner, go to bed.

I’m not going to pretend that the thrill of conquering the tasks of adulthood mean nothing to me- there is certainly joy to be found in repairing ones credit and paying bills on time. There is definitely joy in financial stability, being insured, not having to use coffee filters for toilet paper until next pay day.

But after a while, and for a long while now, for me, life has been pretty stagnant. A while back, I wound up trying to see if I could buy a house. Much to my surprise, I totally could…only, not here, not in the uber expensive town where I live. I mean, I could, if I were a contractor and didn’t mind living in a shed- which I am not, and I certainly do.

So, I thought I’d move over to a little town in the Sierra Nevada’s where my grandparent’s home still is, which my mother lives in at least part of the time. But one day it hit me- why am I going through all this stuff instead of addressing what I really want to do? And what do I really want to do?

Well, I want to live in New England. Like, really, really bad.

So, I decided to pursue that. And it is actually happening. As soon as I made up my mind and took some steps to go after it, everything started falling into place. Right now, my plan is to stay for one year. One full year in New England, long enough to see every season, long enough to explore many of the things I want to see. What happens beyond that year, I don’t know.

Am I scared? Of COURSE I am! I’m not an idiot. But more than that, I am thrilled. Like, wind in my face, climbing the big hill of the roller coaster thrilled. The possibilities are endless- the friends I might make and the things I might learn. I am wide open, ready to embrace the experience fully. And I feel alive, full of joy, and deeply grateful for the way the Universe seems to want to accommodate me. It’s really pretty spectacular.

Today, ask yourself how long it’s been since you’ve felt truly inspired by your life. Are you going after one thing because it’s easier, when you deeply desire something else? Are you excited about anything? Do you have big plans, something to look forward to? This is the only life you get (as you, anyway). I encourage you to light that fire, take charge, and find your next adventure. Time’s a ticking.