January 18th: Enjoy
Today, I am giving myself permission to do exactly what I want to do. No more, no less. I took a long drive down the coast with Lucy this morning, pulled over when I felt like it to walk the cliffs along the sea. Turned around and headed back when I was ready.
After I post this, I might just crawl back into bed for a while and nap…or I might take a bath. I don’t know. I’m on my own today, and the day is wide open. No schedule, no plans, no rules. I am declining the creation of a to-do list, and just taking a break.
I ask a lot of myself every day. And no matter how much I do, I find a way to make it not enough. I’m always critiquing myself and thinking about how I could have really done a better job if I’d done this, or not done that. If I’d been faster or taken my time. If…if, if, if.
That’s a really shitty thing to do to yourself, you know? And it’s a really hard habit to break. But today, I’m just going to leave myself alone and shed the weight of all that expectation. Today, I’m simply going to enjoy myself. Drink it all in. Be happy with whatever I’m doing…or not doing. I need a break. I’ve earned it.
If you are in the habit of riding your own ass, I want you to stop it. Just stop harassing yourself, stop talking down to yourself, stop being mean. In my experience, we speak to ourselves far more harshly than we ever would another person. The thing is…I really, really like myself. And I bet you really like yourself, too. So, how about we both start acting like it? I intend to do just that. Right now. I hope you do, too.