Tag Archives: meditation

Sacred Space

January 20th: Sacred Space

For so many years of my life, I was rootless and wild, which had its upsides- I can’t imagine a youth of conformity and structure, and if that sounds appealing to you, we are clearly different kinds of people. But there were downsides, too, one of which was that I often had no space of my own at all, let alone a particular one I carved out and called sacred. Often, I was lucky just to have a twin bed to sleep in with my daughter, and a room filled with belongings that weren’t my own.

I suppose back then that my car was my sacred space. I have so many happy memories of driving around with my windows down, singing at the top of my lungs, just feeling free and delirious with the possibilities stretched out before me. With a little money for gas and a car that ran, I could go anywhere I wanted, and I did. I had nothing but time, it seemed like.

That kind of freedom grows exhausting, though. It involves a lot of maneuvering, asking for favors, depending on the kindness of friends, being very, very poor. I grew up a bit and could see the benefit of being self-reliant and stable. So, I did that. Grudgingly at first, but over time, I’ve mellowed and come to enjoy this different kind of freedom.

One of the things I like the best about my life now is my morning routine, and the sacred space I have created for myself right here in my very own little house. My cushions, my candles, my crystals and incense. The time I spend every day in prayer and meditation, giving thanks for my countless blessings and anchoring myself in my body, to my breath, is something I never grow tired of. It feels different every single day.

I am not suggesting that you start praying and meditating immediately (unless you want to, of course) just because that is what I do…but I do think everyone should have a space that is sacred and meaningful to them, and a time each day to spend on themselves in whatever way feeds their spirit.

I wake up very early every morning and make this time for myself, but I don’t have to force it. This is just what works best for me. I spend time writing, reading, praying, and meditating, and it is the way I prefer to start my day. It’s a sacred time spent in my own sacred space.

Through this creation of time for myself, I have come to know myself in a way that I never did before. Investing in myself through a lot of hard work over the past years has paid off in a big way- now I have the time, the space, the security in life to dig into what suits me best. I can honestly say that the majority of my life and time is full of things and people and places I truly love and enjoy. I had to get through the hard parts to arrive here, but I never stopped trying, not even sure what it was I was reaching for. I knew it when I found it. And once again, I feel delirious with the possibilities spread out before me. That much is still true- perhaps now more than ever.

Create a space that is sacred and meaningful to you. Invest in yourself, in knowing yourself well and caring for your life in every aspect. Work hard when it is time to do so, understanding that this is how we get to the easy parts- through the hard parts. And if your life is nothing but hard parts and things don’t seem to ever improve, it might be time to take a closer look at what the trouble is. I know for me, it was always, always me, standing in my own way.

Thoughts

November 16th: Thoughts

I do not know how anyone else’s mind works. I am only just now, at my age, beginning to understand the way mine works. I am pretty confident, though, that we all generally, at the very bottom of it all, want the same things: To love & be loved, to feel safe, to be healthy, free of worry, and to be peaceful and happy. That might look starkly different from person to person, but the desires are the same.

The biggest obstacle that stands between me and all of those things are not any of the things that make the most sense. I am not unlovable or incapable of giving love, I am not in any imminent danger, not sick, not plagued with problems. The things that give me trouble more than anything else are my own thoughts.

As I said, I don’t know how your mind works. But mine is pretty extra. I love my mind, don’t get me wrong- I am funny and imaginative and I have a knack for knowing how to coax a smile from a child or soften an angry heart. I love that about myself. I can also drive myself up the wall with fantastic scenarios that will never happen, assumptions that are dead wrong, and just plain rude remarks towards my own self, when I know I am doing the best I can. Who needs that?

Not me! Part of the reason I meditate (as I’ve mentioned a billion times before) is to slow the frantic pace of my thoughts, and to recognize when my thoughts are unkind and untrue. Most of the time it works great. When the stakes of the day are a bit higher, though, so is my anxiety, and therefore, my thoughts are a bit harder to deal with.

The thing is…I always end up doing what needs to be done. I always pull it off, whatever it might be. Looking back on my life, whatever the occasion was, I can’t think of one I didn’t rise to. Perhaps there have been some, but the point is, I can’t remember them if there were, so…it must not have been that important, right? All the stress and worry I put myself through was and is for nothing.

Today, whatever you have on your plate, remember, you can handle it. If your thoughts are being unkind and untrue, let them know that you see that and that you won’t be taking that shit on right now. Worry and stress do nothing but rob you of the joy of living, and you deserve to enjoy your life. So, make your best effort and know that is the most anyone can ever expect of you. And when your thoughts get a little sideways, remember YOU are in the driver’s seat, and you know what you are doing. If that doesn’t work, just turn up the music until you can’t hear yourself think. That works, too.

Intention

November 4th: Intention

It’s not a big secret that I am an exceptionally moody person. It took me most of my life to understand that not everyone is ruled by their emotions. Some people- get this- can have feelings about something and still make sound judgement based on reasons that have nothing to do with that feeling. I know, it sounds crazy to me, too, but…it’s a real thing.

As I’ve grown older, even I have had moments where I realized that, while my emotions were certainly real, the decisions I felt compelled to make because of them were not what you might call…sound. I have what my therapist calls “Big Feelings”. I tend to be reactive, and highly susceptible to the moods and emotions of other people, too. I take shit personally. I have to be careful how much news I listen to, what kind of things I watch on TV, and even who I can be around for more than short periods of time. Certain people just drain me. Sometimes I drain myself. Me, I have a harder time getting away from.

As I’ve dedicated myself more and more to meditation, mindfulness, and changing the unhealthy patterns in my life, I’ve found that setting an intention for the day is incredibly helpful. To be honest, I didn’t even realize that’s what I was doing when I started doing it, but now I see it. Intention is sort of an anchor that pulls me back to myself when my emotions start pulling me away. For me, what that means is, early in the morning, before anyone else is awake, and for sure before I step foot outside my house, I sit down on my cushion, and I pray. If you don’t pray, that’s not an insurmountable obstacle really- I think just sitting down, closing your eyes, and getting still would be sufficient. I always start with gratitude- another day alive and well, a fresh start, a working body…there are so many things to be grateful for.

Then I ask for healing, balance, and whatever I feel like I might need at that particular moment. Lots of times, it’s kindness, the ability to be the loving mother my children need. By naming these things, I am setting them right in the front of my mind. At first, it seemed like all that did was make me notice how far away I was from achieving those goals. Now, I have developed a knack for spotting opportunities to be exactly the person I want most to be.

There is a space now, between an action and my reaction. There is a moment when I get to decide who I will show up as next. Sometimes, I choose the wrong way. But more and more, I am left feeling proud of the choices that I make.

Today, before you walk out your front door, think about the person you want to show up in the world as today. Do you want to be calm, more friendly, more focused, less stressed? When you lay down in bed at night and think about the day behind you, what would you like that day to look like? This is the time to make that kind of day a reality. Don’t be discouraged if at first all you see is how badly you’re screwing it up- that’s kind of part of the process. Keep setting your intentions, keep pushing forward, and little by little, you’ll see yourself evolving ever closer to the person you are meant to be.