reaching out | Notes From Elsewhere

November 30^th: Bound

First of all, I missed another day…I didn’t forget, I was just busy with my family. Sometimes we must prioritize.

Today, I am coping with the silence of this house after everyone has gone on their way. For someone like me, who generally enjoys being alone, I find myself a little bit out of sorts. There is nothing quite like knocking around in an empty house after everyone you love has left.

To remedy my loneliness, I called some people I love in hopes of cheering myself up. Instead, I found myself leaving each phone call more worried and sadder than I already was. These are people who are close, very close, to my heart. Both of them are making decisions that I don’t understand, and I know, I just KNOW, that if the situations were reversed, they would be equally as concerned and worried about me.

I hung up the phone and sat in my dark, empty house…unsure what more I could do. There is no one I can call to share these things with, there is no way to help. So, what do I do?

Here’s the thing: Life is hard sometimes. No matter how old we are or what we think we know, there are yet more lessons to be learned. I have often thought that it is more painful to witness someone we love going through a tough time than it is to be going through it ourselves. At least when you are in it, you can do something. When you are a bystander, all you can do is sit helplessly by and watch and wish you could think of the right words to get through to the people you love.

We are, all of us, bound by love to others in this world. It is what gives life to our lives- even someone like me, closed off as I can be, knows that. Sometimes that means sharing in the good things, and sometimes that means…just standing by, ready to be there when you are needed. It means checking in, reminding people of how much they are loved, and how much they matter. Sometimes it means telling hard truths, saying the words “You don’t sound like you’re okay, and I think I know what’s going on.” Sometimes it means rocking the boat a little bit. Sometimes love asks us to be a little more brave and speak up a little louder…even if it makes people defensive or angry. When you love someone, you need to recognize what is needed, and show up.

Today, if there is someone you love who is struggling, I hope you can see it for what it is. Rather than wonder, pick up the phone and let them know you are here. That you see them. That you love them. That even if they can’t talk right now, you’re gonna call again tomorrow, and the day after that, until they can. Life is hard, sometimes. Don’t let your loved ones think they are alone. And if you are hurting…open up when someone reaches out. Even if you’re ashamed or scared. Let someone in. We need each other so much more than we think.

November 21^st: Ubuntu

So, if you have no idea what that word means, you are not alone. Pardon me while this gets a little bit weird, won’t you?

I woke up this morning, and as I was standing there, groggy and bleary eyed, trying to gather the things to make coffee, I noticed that the word “ubuntu” was repeating itself over and over in my head. Not only was it repeating itself, but I could see it, spelled out, in my mind. I did not have the first clue what that word meant, or even if it was a word at all.

So, I got my coffee going and I did what anybody would do when they want to find something out- I googled it. “What is ubuntu?” I typed out. Much to my disappointment, I learned that it was some kind of computer operating system or something. I scrolled for a bit, thought it over, and tried again- “meaning of the word ubuntu”.

And there it was. Apparently, it’s a South African word that means a quality that includes the essential human virtues; compassion and humanity. From what I gather, it is something like…I cannot be happy when I am making someone else unhappy. I cannot truly be happy in the presence of suffering. I am one piece of the collective whole…my actions matter. It is the quality of being human, expressing warmth. It is the divine spark of goodness inherent within each being.

So…that’s kinda weird, right? Not the concept, the concept is amazing. I mean the fact that this word found its way into my head this morning. I wondered if perhaps it was part of a meditation I’d done in the past, but I tried searching for it and couldn’t get an answer. Either way, it’s pretty obscure. And pretty cool.

Especially when I tell you this: Last night, I stopped by the store to grab a rotisserie chicken and on my way in, a homeless man outside stopped me. “Can you help me out with some food?” He asked. I paused, surprised. Normally I’m asked for money, so this was different. “What kind of food?” I asked. “I don’t know…maybe some bread and lunch meat?”

So, I didn’t hesitate. I was happy to do it. Normally, I wouldn’t even talk about something like this because, to me, announcing a nice thing you’ve done just takes all of the good out of it. I’m only bringing it up because it fits into all of this. Cam and I went into the store and we had a ball. We got bread, roast turkey, a hot chicken quarter from the deli (plus my rotisserie chicken, of course). We got brownies, mayo, mustard…just a bunch of stuff for this guy.

At the end, when I paid for it, I got a little twinge. I felt like maybe I shouldn’t be doing this. I’m trying to save money, it’s the holidays, I’ve been spending too much…but nevertheless, I felt good when I handed him the bag. Cam asked why I was smiling, and I said “Because it makes me feel good. No one should have to go hungry.”

I allowed myself to worry a little as I fell asleep last night, though. I need to be more responsible, etc., etc.

This morning, I woke up with this word in my head. I think it was a sign that I did exactly what I was supposed to do, to be honest. I think it had more than one meaning, honestly, but for now, let’s stick to this one.

When I logged into my bank account this morning, I saw that a check for a few hundred dollars had been deposited into my account. Imagine that.

There are forces at work in our lives that are far bigger than we are. So many things, both seen and unseen, that move us along our paths. When someone asks for help, give it if you are able. You and I are both part of the collective whole…what we do matters. It matters more than we might ever grasp on this plane of existence. Believe that all will be well, that all things work out as they are meant to and be one of the helpers. Never entertain doubt that your efforts are wasted or unwise. I have a feeling they mean a great deal.