self awareness | Notes From Elsewhere

January 10^th: Limitations

Right off the bat, I want to apologize for the title of this post. I had a bunch of other extraneously worded ideas, but this one basically sums it up, so I’m going with it.

First off, there are a lot of memes and blurbs and ideas floating around about “blasting through your limitations” and “the only limits that exist are in your mind” and blah blah blah. Well, okay, sure. There are days when I certainly feel this way, and I get it, then.

But what about the other days? The days when you can’t stop procrastinating? The days when you go to bed at night disappointed with yourself for the three things you still didn’t do, even though you’ve been trying to make yourself do them for weeks? What about the mornings like the one I am having, where I really wanted to work on my novel, but I just couldn’t make myself do it?

The thing is, life, for me, is an unpredictable sea. Sometimes, for weeks at a stretch, I can navigate the waters beautifully and I think “Hey, this is my life now! This is how it will be from here on out. Yay!” And the next thing you know, I turn around and I have no idea where I am. I might be stuck on a metaphorical sandbar for weeks, or thrashing about in a monsoon, or simply adrift in calm waters with no wind to move me towards where I want to go.

If you were to tell me, during one of those less than ideal times, that I was limiting myself, I would probably want to smack you, except for the fact that I believed it was true.

But is it though? Am I really expecting myself to be operating at 100% at all times? I mean, is that realistic? I don’t think it is.

I think that it’s important to understand that circumstances change daily- sometimes more often than that- and that we are all a bit at the mercy of many varied elements. How tired we are. How stressed we might be. If you’re a woman, hormones are a HUGE factor. What our mental state is like. Relationships, work, money, health, nutrition, responsibilities…I could go on and on, but you get what I am saying. Recognizing why we might not be out there killing it is super vital if we hope to stop beating ourselves up for perceived failings.

Once you understand that, it’s a lot easier to give yourself props for the things you are getting done. For instance, this morning I might not have worked on my novel, but I did sit down and pay all of my bills. I did set up an automatic transfer to my savings account. I did meditate, shower, and get my kid in the tub. I should probably go check on her. Hahaha.

Anyway, my point is, limitations DO exist. Try to recognize where you are at today, and work with what you have. You might not be where you want to be, but there is plenty you can accomplish from wherever you are. Just know when it’s time to lower the bar a smidge, and don’t feel bad about it. It’ll get raised again when you feel better and things settle down.

December 9^th: What Do You Owe Yourself?

Recently, I saw some great stuff about self-care not always being about bubble baths and pedicures and let me tell you this: I agree wholeheartedly! Indulging ourselves from time to time is absolutely important, and you should make time for these things, yes- but is that truly the essence of self-care?

Uh-uh. No, not by a long shot.

As the little blurb I saw went on to say, sometimes self-care really means taking care of your finances, sticking to a budget, giving up some luxuries you don’t need so that you can accomplish something you do need or want.

Sometimes self-care means taking a good hard look at the negative patterns in your life and figuring out where it started, or, more importantly, when you are going to see it end. Caring for yourself means to look after yourself the way a good parent would- limiting your intake of bullshit and putting yourself in time out when you are acting up. Being loving, but firm.

Self-care means getting your shit together. Facing your problems. Seeing yourself as you truly are and owning that- not blaming it on your terrible childhood or your ex-boyfriend, your trauma…because the truth is, we ALL have trauma. We are ALL recovering from something that has wounded us. There is not a soul on this earth who doesn’t carry scars.

Getting better, healing- it’s a lot of work. It’s a job that never ends. Not everyone is even aware enough to undertake it. Lots of people are comfortable with their familiar routine of turning a blind eye to the truth, hiding their heads in the sand, identifying with their less than ideal lot in life.

I’m going to tell you something- the past five years of my life have been the hardest, the most grueling years I have ever known. They have also been the most rewarding and happiest. The work I have put in…when I look back, it blows my mind. While I was going through it, it seemed bumpy, sure. But when I look back at all of it, it’s hard to believe I made it through. But I did, one slow step at a time. No one will ever know, really, except for me, the things that went on…because 90% of it was internal. Yet I am more proud of the way I cared for myself, the way I carried myself, through that, than I am of anything else I have ever done.

So…what do you owe yourself? You owe yourself the best life you are capable of giving you. That will look different for every person reading this, but…I encourage you to really ask yourself “How’s it looking?” and “Where am I now? Where do I want to be? How do I get from here to there?”. Look, this is not a dress rehearsal. This is it. This is your life, right now. Take care of you. And I don’t mean taking a bubble bath.