Space

January 16th: Space

It’s no revelation that the world we live in today is a busy one- nothing languid or placid about it, really. We are pummeled with information from all sides, technology having given us the ability to watch events as they unfold, in real time, anywhere in the world. We are electronically connected at all times, to everyone we know, and plenty of people we don’t. We carry our phones with us and panic on the rare occasion that they are lost or left at home or down to 3% battery. Scrolling became a compulsion for me, one app after another, hours and hours every day.

For quite some time now, the urge to stop all this craziness, to slow down, to do things differently, has been growing in me. I believe that might be a huge part of why I hunger to make this move to Maine so much, honestly. The idea of LESS. I understand that there is just as much internet in Maine as anywhere else, but it just feels like…I don’t know, a return to life as it was, I guess. The kind of life my nine-year-old knows nothing about, where people sat and played board games together, not on family game night but just…whenever. When families set the table and ate together every single night.

Anyway, I understand there are flaws in that thought process. That I don’t need to move across the country to change my life. Obviously, there are other reasons for wanting to go. But that’s a part of it. At the start of this year, I began to do things differently. Staying off of social media completely hasn’t worked for me, so I just cut way, way back. I stopped following the news closely. I stopped engaging with things that I didn’t want to spend my time and energy on.

In short, I created some space for myself to breathe. And because space cannot stay empty for long, I filled it with things that made me feel better instead of worse. Books and writing and walks on the beach. Daydreams and plans and time with friends. Filling myself with these things has worked much the same way that filling yourself with fruits and salads rather than cheesecake and pizza does. I just feel better. Cheesecake and pizza are great once in a while, but when all you eat is garbage, eventually you’re gonna feel like shit. Filling your time and brain with garbage? Same thing.

If you are feeling beat up or overwhelmed by the barrage of information coming in, remember that it’s not your job to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. There are so many things we can do nothing about and being uninformed is not the worst thing in the world. Creating a space for yourself that is sane, safe, peaceful and protected is a pretty bad-ass thing to do, honestly. I’m so happy to be doing it. Maybe you will be, too. If you need a break, I say take one. See you Saturday!

Factory Reset

January 6th: Factory Reset

What a blur the past two weeks has been! Actually, doesn’t it seem like the clock speeds up sometime around mid-November, when the preparations for Thanksgiving begin? For me it seems that way, especially now that my part is more than just showing up and eating.  The minute Thanksgiving is over, the Christmas frenzy begins- I am not much of a shopper, and even I visited more stores in November and December than I do throughout the rest of the year. Then school is out and with all the weird days off and fragmented work weeks, by the time January second rolled around this year…honestly, I didn’t know what day of the week it was. I thought there were at least four Monday’s over the past two weeks. I’m not even kidding.

For me, a messy, complicated person who craves order and routine all the more for its elusiveness, starting fresh from such a chaotic place as that is very difficult. Unlikely, even. What I really needed was a nap. A chance to recover from all that activity. A little more “back to normal” and a little less “wait, what day is this?”

Unfortunately, due to circumstances I am not even going to attempt to get into right now, that was not to be. I hope that the start to your new year was peaceful and easy, but mine took a running leap straight into facing my fears and dealing with my deepest anxieties. I dealt with it just fine, but it was exhausting all the same.

Today is the first day of what promises to be the first normal week of this year for me- no days off mid-week, no holidays, no weirdness- and I am ready for it. I spent the last 48 hours basically cocooned inside my house, accomplishing absolutely nothing that I hoped I would. I just needed a break. I wanted so badly to tackle my to-do lists and jump into mapping out my goals, but…I couldn’t. I was simply unable to do anything other than rest.

I want to lie and say I’m okay with that, but the truth is, I have no choice other than to accept it. For one thing, it’s already in the past, and we all know you can’t do anything about the past. For another, after all the years I’ve lived in this body of mine, I’ve learned that there are times when my instincts take over and render my busy human brain useless. Kind of like a factory reset- my thoughts are still swirling away, but my body goes offline and…I don’t know, installs updates, I guess. But during that time, while my body is powered down, I cannot think my way into activity. I just have to rest. I can enjoy it or not, but it’s going to happen either way.

Here’s the reason I am sharing this with you: If you are like me, and you are feeling disappointed because the past few days didn’t go the way you’d hoped, let that go. We have all been incredibly busy for the past couple of months, and maybe you, like me, needed a break. I am trying to be gentler with myself and notice when I am not. I hope you can do this too- go easy on yourself. Ironically, it’s one of the hardest tasks for me, being gentle…especially with myself. But I keep trying because I know it’s important- everyone around us is touched by our vibe, be it good or bad. So I keep aiming high…I hope you do, as well.

Cozy

November 8th: Cozy

Today has been a funny day. The weather is finally acting properly- nice and foggy this morning, stayed cool all day, and now it’s a bit overcast as the evening rolls in. Work was cancelled about halfway through today because the software program we use kept crashing. So…kinda left me at loose ends.

I grabbed some take-out Japanese on my way home from picking Cam up, and just passed the afternoon picking at my bento box and diving into a good book. I’m sleepy, but in the best possible way.

There’s plenty of stuff that needs to be done around here, but it can wait a little longer. My plans for the evening involve nothing but fuzzy pajamas, my book, my bed, and maybe my TV. I worked very hard this week, and I think I shall reward myself with a long, luxurious, indulgent break. For now, I think I will see if Cam wants to read some of her book with me before she leaves for her Dad’s for the night. I just want to do cozy things tonight. It seems like the perfect night for it.

Wherever you are, I hope that you get the chance to have exactly the kind of night you want tonight- be it going out and dancing until dawn, having a romantic dinner with someone you adore, or just curling up on the couch with a blanket, your cat, and a great book. I’ve made it clear which option is most appealing to me. And with that, I am signing off for today. See you tomorrow!